Transformation Tuesday….yup. I went there

I am not typically one to go for trends. But “Transformation Tuesday” felt important to me today.

I used to hardly have ANY pictures of myself. No offense to my fella, but he wasn’t (isn’t) one to always take pictures of me with the boys. Once in awhile I would get a picture, but for the most part I didn’t ask, and I didn’t encourage, because I was ashamed.

I thought it was physical. I thought it was because of the 110 pounds I had gained from having two babies. From the maternity pants I continued to wear far beyond my post partum days. From the double chin I felt I had in any and every picture taken of me.

I was ashamed of me. The inner me and the outer me. I didn’t see myself as of any value, any importance. So I didn’t try. I didn’t try to be healthy. I didn’t try to see “Me” for who God created me to be. I focused on giving all my energy to others, helping and serving my students and my family.. I would hide behind the camera, snapping memories of my babies and fella together.  It’s always easier to see other people as more important than yourself. .BUT.

*disclaimer* God calls us to love others as we love ourselves (Check out  Mark 12:31)

Crap.

Today I take a LOT of pictures, and truthfully, a LOT of selfies. Here’s why.

I’ve invested (for the past 13 months), and will continue to invest in me. In knowing that I am worthy. It is OK to take pictures of me goofing off with my boys, maybe even pictures pointing out my goofy personality, or showing my progress in taking care of my body.

Some might see it as vain, and you are welcome to that opinion. But my “selfies” demonstrate so much more than the physical change. They reflect  letting go of who I am NOT, and in embracing who I am. Quirks and all. They are memories I am making in a moment, with my family and in my own personal journey of respecting and LOVING this one life I have.

It wont be about 6 pack abs (although I’m not going to complain if they ever make an appearance ;)), It isn’t about getting back to my senior high school physique. My body had 2 bowling ball baby boys via C-section. Did I mention I had gained a total of 110 pounds?!

My body is uniquely and beautifully mine. It tells stories of change, growth, and strength. I’m frickin’ proud of it.

Ps. You should be proud of you too.

Friends, can we stop worrying about what others think of us and start thinking of how we SEE ourselves?

Can we stop judging ourselves to unrealistic expectations and embrace who we are, how we can learn, and where we can grow?

So…here is my Transformation Tuesday.

Physical. Mental. Relational.

It’s a beautiful thing. If you haven’t experienced it, take a step. I’ll be here to cheer you on!

Love and Hugs dear friends.

 

A Shift.

On the Left: Mom of 2, Full time Special Education Teacher, Wife, gym member…
On the right: Mom of 2, Full time Special Ed Teacher, Wife, Work out from home.


The difference in these photos isn’t just
weight. It is discipline, community, accountability, nutrition, and mental health.

It’s realizing that making time to make my health a priority, doesn’t just help me, it helps others. 

I spend more time laughing and finding joy, than being tired, annoyed, and resentful because I did everything for everyone else, and nothing for myself.

The number on the scale doesn’t matter to me. It is the Non Scale Victories that bring me joy.

Here’s what matters to me:
– More energy to play with my two boys.
– Being an example.
– Being comfortable in my own skin.
– Being proud of my physical and (even more challenging) mental accomplishments.
– Filling my cup so that I can help fill others cups.

It didn’t happen overnight. It wasn’t, (and still isn’t) easy. I choose to show up, everyday, and do my best. If I fall flat, I try harder the next day. It is progress not perfection.

I became the person on the right when I reached out and asked for help. I was given a community of support, a coach that checked on me, and a wealth of resources that I could utilize on my time, in my home.

I didn’t get to the person on the right by going it alone….

I’m a coach now, and I want to help others see their potential when they stop doubting, and start believing (just as someone did for me 9 months ago).

If you’re curious, you’re struggling, or you want to know more, let me know. I want to help.

“Alone we can do so little, Together we can do so much.”- Helen Keller

 

 

 

 

 

Shoes.

I don’t like to spend money, and if I do, I would rather buy things for others than myself. I can struggle with being kind to myself. I don’t feel deserving of nice or special things.

Today I bought a pair of running shoes. Real running shoes. Not clearance from a generic store, but ones with cushion and support….This is huge for me.

It’s me saying I am working hard, this is one of my hobbies, I need to take care of my body, I deserve a good pair of shoes.

How many times do we feel unworthy? Not good enough? Not worth it? I can tell you easily, I have had one of those thoughts in my head dozens of times a week (sometimes a day)! … everyday can be a struggle sometimes.

Florence and the Machine has a song called Shake it out… one of the lyrics that’s been running through my head the past few days is:

“And it’s hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off…..”

I’ve let that mean little shit control way too much of my mindset… so today, I’m dancing (or running 😊) with the devil off my back.

If you struggle with realizing who you are, that you are deserving and worthy… my hope is you too can shake him off and do something to love yourself. 

My Why.

In the different seasons of life growing up: high school, college, young newlywed, I struggled with loneliness, depression, and was suicidal. I was verbally and emotionally abused on a regular basis, and I did it to myself ALL the time too.
(*Insert awkward cough*) This is my story…..
BEFORE June 2017: Very skeptical, introverted person, that has never had much for self-esteem or belief that I can do much of anything. Awful attitude right?
I have always loved others HARD, but I have always hated myself. I kept everything inside, and never really had a community that TRULY KNEW me, growing pains and all.
June 2017: I had just wrapped up another year as a Special Ed. Teacher, was teaching summer school, managing a 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old at home, and I was bitter. I was angry. I was anxious.
My husband has a quiet nature, and has been my biggest support system. He’s my best friend. But I resented him for a long time. He had friends, a social butterfly… He had hobbies. LOTS of hobbies. He would go do his thing, and I would sit back at home, frustrated, sad, and feeling very alone.
Then, one day…
A friend reached out to me about doing a group workout with her.
It’s from home, it’s cheap! It’s on my time, It doesn’t take away from my kids, Its healthy. It’s a way to get to know others, without going out in public (yup…I thought this (remember..introvert…)
I thought….I don’t have anything to lose…
I LOST. A LOT.
* I lost the mentality that I was worthless.
* I lost the belief that others didn’t care about me.
* I lost the feeling to let food control my emotions.
* I lost the wall that I had created between me and others.
* I lost the need to let others opinions of me determine who I was.
* I lost sadness, pain, anger, and bitterness that had been festering for DECADES inside.
* I lost the resentment I had towards my best friend.
* I lost the need to take medications to treat my mental health.
* I lost weight.
I GAINED:
* Self-esteem
* a stronger relationship with my husband.
* a renewed faith
* MUSCLE! YEAHH!!
* A sense of humor, towards myself, towards life
* A hobby that I absolutely loved
* ENERGY! To keep up with my beautiful boys.
* Accountability
* An even stronger love to help others on their life journey
*The desire to be more open about my story, because it turns out there are a LOT of others that struggle with the very same things I did.
* A community filled with open, beautiful, like minded mama’s (both kid and fur mama’s ;)) that have been some of the deepest and truest friendships I’ve ever had.
Do NOT get me wrong. I struggle still with sadness. I wake up some days and don’t feel like being around others, working out, or trying to smile, when all I want to do is scream.
But here’s the difference:
*****I take one step at a time. I TRY.
**** I DO NOT make excuses.
***** I recognize on a DAILY basis, that in order to help others, I have to make time for myself too. Even if it’s 30 minutes.
***I know that I am fueling my body right, with healthy eating habits, knowing that I can treat myself, and that wheels will NOT fall off if I decide to go have a couple glasses of wine and eat some chocolate.
** I strive for PROGRESS, not Perfection.
By getting into “The Netflix of workouts” my health, physical, AND mental, has been the best it’s ever been. Completely honest.
How did it get this way?
-workouts
-accountability groups
-learning about personal development
-nutrition superfoods
I’ve taken on the role as a health and wellness coach, in January 2018 so that I can encourage, motivate, and hopefully remind others that are like minded, that this life is meant to be lived with JOY, LOVE, and PURPOSE.
*If you’ve made it this far in my post, thank you for reading. My hope is that you know you are NOT alone, that YOU can do GREAT things.
Just take that step. Away from comfort. Into one big, beautiful adventure.