In the different seasons of life growing up: high school, college, young newlywed, I struggled with loneliness, depression, and was suicidal. I was verbally and emotionally abused on a regular basis, and I did it to myself ALL the time too.
(*Insert awkward cough*) This is my story…..
BEFORE June 2017: Very skeptical, introverted person, that has never had much for self-esteem or belief that I can do much of anything. Awful attitude right?
I have always loved others HARD, but I have always hated myself. I kept everything inside, and never really had a community that TRULY KNEW me, growing pains and all.
June 2017: I had just wrapped up another year as a Special Ed. Teacher, was teaching summer school, managing a 3 year old and a 1 1/2 year old at home, and I was bitter. I was angry. I was anxious.
My husband has a quiet nature, and has been my biggest support system. He’s my best friend. But I resented him for a long time. He had friends, a social butterfly… He had hobbies. LOTS of hobbies. He would go do his thing, and I would sit back at home, frustrated, sad, and feeling very alone.
Then, one day…
A friend reached out to me about doing a group workout with her.
It’s from home, it’s cheap! It’s on my time, It doesn’t take away from my kids, Its healthy. It’s a way to get to know others, without going out in public (yup…I thought this (remember..introvert…)
I thought….I don’t have anything to lose…
I LOST. A LOT.
* I lost the mentality that I was worthless.
* I lost the belief that others didn’t care about me.
* I lost the feeling to let food control my emotions.
* I lost the wall that I had created between me and others.
* I lost the need to let others opinions of me determine who I was.
* I lost sadness, pain, anger, and bitterness that had been festering for DECADES inside.
* I lost the resentment I had towards my best friend.
* I lost the need to take medications to treat my mental health.
* I lost weight.
* a stronger relationship with my husband.
* a renewed faith
* MUSCLE! YEAHH!!
* A sense of humor, towards myself, towards life
* A hobby that I absolutely loved
* ENERGY! To keep up with my beautiful boys.
* An even stronger love to help others on their life journey
*The desire to be more open about my story, because it turns out there are a LOT of others that struggle with the very same things I did.
* A community filled with open, beautiful, like minded mama’s (both kid and fur mama’s ;)) that have been some of the deepest and truest friendships I’ve ever had.
Do NOT get me wrong. I struggle still with sadness. I wake up some days and don’t feel like being around others, working out, or trying to smile, when all I want to do is scream.
But here’s the difference:
*****I take one step at a time. I TRY.
**** I DO NOT make excuses.
***** I recognize on a DAILY basis, that in order to help others, I have to make time for myself too. Even if it’s 30 minutes.
***I know that I am fueling my body right, with healthy eating habits, knowing that I can treat myself, and that wheels will NOT fall off if I decide to go have a couple glasses of wine and eat some chocolate.
** I strive for PROGRESS, not Perfection.
By getting into “The Netflix of workouts” my health, physical, AND mental, has been the best it’s ever been. Completely honest.
How did it get this way?
-learning about personal development
I’ve taken on the role as a health and wellness coach, in January 2018 so that I can encourage, motivate, and hopefully remind others that are like minded, that this life is meant to be lived with JOY, LOVE, and PURPOSE.
*If you’ve made it this far in my post, thank you for reading. My hope is that you know you are NOT alone, that YOU can do GREAT things.
Just take that step. Away from comfort. Into one big, beautiful adventure.